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This is a short story that I've been working on, I just thought I'd see what you guys think. All comments are welcome, cheers!
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Cyan (A Short Story)
Mr_Isaac- Posts : 658
Join date : 2009-08-30
Age : 31
Location : South East
Mr_Isaac- Posts : 658
Join date : 2009-08-30
Age : 31
Location : South East
Cyan
When I was just seven years old, my father took me hunting in the forest. Of course I didn’t realise it at the time, but it seems clear to me now that these trips were an effort to provoke some masculinity in me. Clearly he believed that I was too gentle a child, but I think I was just distant. It wasn’t that the wrong things interested me. More that nothing did. Perhaps he did realise this, I never really thought to ask. Somehow, even back then, my father’s opinion of me mattered as little as everyone else’s did.
On the first occasion, we didn’t venture particularly far in the wilderness. He halted us at the first clearing we came to. I remember him regarding me with curiosity for some time, before handing me his rifle. I held it awkwardly for a few seconds, clutching it to my chest with the same vague look of disinterest on my face. Quickly my father rearranged my hold on the weapon, so that my left hand held the barrel and my right supported the butt. The heavy instrument felt strange in my hands, clumsy. Naturally that’s how it would look in the arms of a seven year old boy. However, I knew that every weapon I ever held would feel the same way.
It is a brutal thing to design an object with the sole purpose of ending a life, but guns were popular and hunting was just one of those things that men did. I suppose the instinct just never left them. To my father’s disappointment, it never really came to me.
To his credit, his enthusiasm was unwavering the first few times. He would smile at me as he demonstrated how to empty the gunpowder into the barrel and use the ramrod to prime the mixture. Then he would crouch down, and beckon me close to him in order to teach me how to fire.
Firing was the worst. The first time I pulled the trigger, the loud bang frightened me so much that I began to cry and we had to go home immediately. Though my father persisted in trying to stir in me some interest in hunting, I never really recovered from that and I didn’t have it in me to pull the trigger again. I accompanied him a few times after that to watch him fire at deer and other innocent creatures, but eventually he gave up and so did I. It was evident that he didn’t want me there, and I didn’t want to be there, so I went back to spending my days daydreaming and assisting my mother with the chores.
After that, my relationship with father only deteriorated. Not that I particularly minded, but by the time I was eleven, I could see how much pain this caused mother. Seeing father’s frustration at me slowly turn to just general indifference, she became more and more upset at the state of affairs between us. In turn, this upset me and, although I couldn’t say for certain, I assume it affected father also. So I decided to make more of an effort, and have another go at bonding with the man. Besides, my lack of skill at hunting before could simply have been due to my young age at the time. Perhaps I would have more luck this time... I doubted it.
Nonetheless, on the first day of every month thereafter, I would set off at dawn with father and hunt animals deep in the forest. I was right, I had no skill whatsoever. But I did at least learn to fire and reload, albeit very slowly. And I could hit a deer at close range from time to time. I never understood the pleasure in the sport. It wasn’t that I felt sorry at killing the beasts; I just couldn’t see how anyone could find it fun. Watching a life fade away and knowing you were the cause of its suffering. But clearly father found it so, and I kept up the pretence of having fun.
Sometimes we dragged our quarry home to cook, but mostly we would leave the carcass for the vultures and other scavengers. It would be nice to say that a bond finally did form between father and I, and let the story end there. But, sadly, I would be lying if I told you that. In my mother’s eyes though, the story did end there. The hunting trips were enough to put her at peace about my relationship with father. Perhaps I even managed to fool the man himself, at least, for a while. More than a year had passed, and we still went out every month, by now each with our own rifle.
But it was then that my lack of interest in everything finally ended, and my interest in Katara began. My act as a hunter quickly vanished and, although we continued with our monthly excursions, I was always far too distracted to bother shooting anything. My head was full of Katara. Where before there had been little but empty space and the occasional pondering on the futility of life, there was her. However I had last seen her, perhaps that morning, weary-eyed, lugging water up from the well. Or walking down the village road at night, bathed in the silver light of the full moon. Or, even better, that stray smile she had cast me as I passed her on the way to the shrine.
Plainly, my infatuation with Katara was noticeable, as my father didn’t seem to mind that I no longer cared about hunting. Most likely, it came from relief that I was, after all, a normal boy who was beginning to take an interest in girls. He warmed up to me slightly, and gave me a wink each time he caught me looking at her. When I blushed and looked away embarrassedly, he would just smile and go back to whatever work he was doing.
Mr_Isaac- Posts : 658
Join date : 2009-08-30
Age : 31
Location : South East
The village in which we lived was reasonably large, containing a number of families. Although we ourselves had no relatives living there, many of the other families were inter-related and everyone knew each other at least by name.
Katara happened to be my friend’s cousin. He was called Samuel, and was the son of a friend of my mother’s. Sam was a nice boy, but I know I never would have become friendly with him if it wasn’t for my parents’ disconcertion at my isolated nature.
‘He spends all his time on his own,’ I once heard my father say, flinching at the dispassion in his voice. ‘He should really have some mates, especially at his age...’
So I had made a friend, I hate to say it, out of conformation. Yes, a boy my age should hunt! A boy my age should have friends! One by one, I ticked off the items that would strengthen my façade at normality.
Really, I should make an attempt not to sound bitter about it as, without Sam, I might never have been introduced to Katara.
Unlike me, Sam had a wild appreciation of hunting and took to the forest at least once a week with his own father. He even sometimes went out alone. I often joined him, without my rifle, and watched him practice his long range shot whilst trying to lose myself in my thoughts. Walking back to the village together one time, I caught sight of her picking wild mushrooms amongst the trees. This was several weeks after she had first begun occupying my thoughts, and I had not once had the courage to speak to her. In the end, it was Sam who forced me to introduce myself.
‘Hey, Katara!’ he had just yelled, jerking me out of my trance over her. She looked up, curiously, then recognised her cousin and skipped playfully towards us.
To my surprise, she seemed equally as shy as I was. Clutching her basket of mushrooms in both hands, she spoke rapidly to Sam and was clearly trying to focus all of her attention on him. But, every now and again, I saw her throw a quick glance at me. And if I caught her eye, she would look away just as quickly, and throw her gaze down at the ground instead.
Eventually, it seemed too rude for me to remain standing there in silence, so I stepped forward awkwardly and reminded my friend of my presence.
Sam had been babbling on about some deer he had managed to hit the other day and, to my delight, Katara didn’t seem to be interested in the slightest. He stopped abruptly when I accidentally, on purpose, brushed his arm with my own.
‘Sorry, yes, this is my cousin, Katara,’ he addressed me, casually. At this point, my heart was pounding in my chest. She was looking at me! Looking right at me, her opal eyes staring intently from under those pretty lashes. Her pale pink lips curling into a sweet, nervous smile. ‘Kat, this is my friend, Sian.’
She bowed, allowing ginger curls to fall down over her forehead. I hadn’t grown very much at this time, so we were roughly the same height, as oppose to Sam who towered over both of us. This meant I could see her eyes between the stray strands of hair, and they were still fixated on me.
I bowed in turn, more awkwardly than she had, returning upright slightly too fast. I wondered whether she felt the same warmth from my dark brown eyes that I felt from her beautiful blue-eyed gaze.
Katara happened to be my friend’s cousin. He was called Samuel, and was the son of a friend of my mother’s. Sam was a nice boy, but I know I never would have become friendly with him if it wasn’t for my parents’ disconcertion at my isolated nature.
‘He spends all his time on his own,’ I once heard my father say, flinching at the dispassion in his voice. ‘He should really have some mates, especially at his age...’
So I had made a friend, I hate to say it, out of conformation. Yes, a boy my age should hunt! A boy my age should have friends! One by one, I ticked off the items that would strengthen my façade at normality.
Really, I should make an attempt not to sound bitter about it as, without Sam, I might never have been introduced to Katara.
Unlike me, Sam had a wild appreciation of hunting and took to the forest at least once a week with his own father. He even sometimes went out alone. I often joined him, without my rifle, and watched him practice his long range shot whilst trying to lose myself in my thoughts. Walking back to the village together one time, I caught sight of her picking wild mushrooms amongst the trees. This was several weeks after she had first begun occupying my thoughts, and I had not once had the courage to speak to her. In the end, it was Sam who forced me to introduce myself.
‘Hey, Katara!’ he had just yelled, jerking me out of my trance over her. She looked up, curiously, then recognised her cousin and skipped playfully towards us.
To my surprise, she seemed equally as shy as I was. Clutching her basket of mushrooms in both hands, she spoke rapidly to Sam and was clearly trying to focus all of her attention on him. But, every now and again, I saw her throw a quick glance at me. And if I caught her eye, she would look away just as quickly, and throw her gaze down at the ground instead.
Eventually, it seemed too rude for me to remain standing there in silence, so I stepped forward awkwardly and reminded my friend of my presence.
Sam had been babbling on about some deer he had managed to hit the other day and, to my delight, Katara didn’t seem to be interested in the slightest. He stopped abruptly when I accidentally, on purpose, brushed his arm with my own.
‘Sorry, yes, this is my cousin, Katara,’ he addressed me, casually. At this point, my heart was pounding in my chest. She was looking at me! Looking right at me, her opal eyes staring intently from under those pretty lashes. Her pale pink lips curling into a sweet, nervous smile. ‘Kat, this is my friend, Sian.’
She bowed, allowing ginger curls to fall down over her forehead. I hadn’t grown very much at this time, so we were roughly the same height, as oppose to Sam who towered over both of us. This meant I could see her eyes between the stray strands of hair, and they were still fixated on me.
I bowed in turn, more awkwardly than she had, returning upright slightly too fast. I wondered whether she felt the same warmth from my dark brown eyes that I felt from her beautiful blue-eyed gaze.
Mr_Isaac- Posts : 658
Join date : 2009-08-30
Age : 31
Location : South East
Well, that's all I have so far. It's posted in parts because of the bloody message limit on this bloody forum! Really annoying that actually... Anyway, yeah, let me know what you think.
Wayward Daughter- Queen Of Angst
- Posts : 146928
Join date : 2009-07-23
Age : 34
Location : In the Livery Inn, at the heart of the Westside Alliance
I think it's fantastic.
Mr_Isaac- Posts : 658
Join date : 2009-08-30
Age : 31
Location : South East
Thanks
A Returning Charlotte- Brilliant
- Posts : 9971
Join date : 2009-08-04
Age : 31
Location : Yorkshire, UK
SecondedFlickerflame wrote:I think it's fantastic.
Mr_Isaac- Posts : 658
Join date : 2009-08-30
Age : 31
Location : South East
Thank you very much, I will try to carry one with it ASAP, but I'm a tad busy atm, starting Y13 and UCAS and PS etc. And I still have to finish C1 of Arc 2! AAA! It's cool, I think...
A Returning Charlotte- Brilliant
- Posts : 9971
Join date : 2009-08-04
Age : 31
Location : Yorkshire, UK
It is cool. You're in year 13 now? How is it? How was year 12? I've just started year 12 :S
Mr_Isaac- Posts : 658
Join date : 2009-08-30
Age : 31
Location : South East
Yeah, it's alright. You'll probably be a bit disappointed with how similar it is to school though. 
A Returning Charlotte- Brilliant
- Posts : 9971
Join date : 2009-08-04
Age : 31
Location : Yorkshire, UK
Yeah, I know now. 
Mr_Isaac- Posts : 658
Join date : 2009-08-30
Age : 31
Location : South East
Probably start this up again after I finish Arc Two of Extinction. In case anyone was wondering?
In case anyone was wondering?
Superheroesfanatic-IR- Head Admin
- Posts : 96877
Join date : 2009-07-23
Age : 29
Location : Behind you. BOO!
ok danny, good to see you 
Guy Fawkes- Posts : 1388
Join date : 2009-08-29
This is good, mate.
Mr_Isaac- Posts : 658
Join date : 2009-08-30
Age : 31
Location : South East
Thanks I might continue it soon, but I am restarting my miniseries at the moment, and that will take a while. It's Extinction on the FF area, if you want to check it out.
Guy Fawkes- Posts : 1388
Join date : 2009-08-29
Okay, then. Will do.