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    Exodus

    The Little Lebowski
    The Little Lebowski


    Posts : 85
    Join date : 2013-04-01

    Exodus Empty Exodus

    Post by The Little Lebowski Mon 29 Feb 2016 - 23:47

    Once again this is part of a story for my Heroes EU, I know I posted a pilot chapter for a sullivan bros story ages ago but I lost everything I wrote since then and I'm still trying to reconnect with that story as well as others. I honestly have so many stories planned it is getting out of hand, I've posted some info on the planned stories on my EU forum so if either of you are interested in helping out or know some people into writing it'd be a huge help if they could get in touch.

    Anyway, I thought about making this a series, it is loosely based on my memories of the screenplays I wrote for a Heroes:UK fan series that had a complete run of 3 13 episode seasons. I've simplified it since, cutting out characters to tell one novel. If people like it or even read it I might do the rest. Each chapter is named like an episode and is split into sub-chapters for each character. I hope you enjoy it and any feedback would be good.

    Exodus D5a6e4468512231

    CHAPTER ONE: "IN THE BEGINNING"

    Robin Green, Detroit.

    The room was illuminated by a laptop screen showing a document that had been empty for far too long. The cursor continued to blink like some indicator to tell Robin that it was finally time to start typing. Robin sat at her small desk staring blankly at the screen, wondering how she's ever supposed to concentrate on her homework with the noise of her fighting neighbours flooding in through the paper-thin walls and sirens screaming so regularly she might as well set it as alarm on her phone.

    She jumped at the bang of the front door being slammed shut. Brother's home, she thought to herself. His heavy footsteps passed her room and her worries were fulfilled when music began blasting from his room at full volume.

    “Will you turn that down?” she yelled, barely able to hear herself. “Hey,” she continued. Although she had tried to yell louder, she found herself unable to tell if she had made any difference.

    Robin slammed her laptop closed and stormed to her brother's room. He was sat on the bed eating snacks and smoking like any other night. The thing that bothered Robin the most was that he showed some kind of pride in his lifestyle, like a fourteen year old behaving this way was cool and not just a wasteful act of throwing away any chance at a decent life.

    “Hey,” she said. “Turn the music off, I'm trying to work.”

    “Get out,” her brother screamed.

    He jumped from the bed and forced her out of the room before slamming the door shut in her face. Her only option left was to turn to her mother, not that she expected much from that, and she was right to as she found her mother once again passed out on her bed, surrounded by empty bottles and various drug paraphernalia.

    Robin sighed to herself as she turned her mother onto her side and pulled a blanket over her. She gave her a kiss on the forehead and returned to her room where she lay on her bed, put in her earphones and played her own music loud enough to drown out the surrounding sound.

    Knowing that she wasn't going to get some sleep any time soon, Robin thought about her life. About how a seventeen year old is left to care for her mother and brother; how her mother would rather put all the blame on her life on racism than accept her responsibilities and do a better job; about the concern that she'll one day have to be told her brother has died, and how none of them seem to even want to change. She has dreams of escaping this life, of working hard and doing something worth telling people about. Then she thought again about her family using drugs and drinking until they're no longer able to think, perhaps they're looking to escape just as much as she is.
    Wayward Daughter
    Wayward Daughter
    Queen Of Angst
    Queen Of Angst


    Posts : 146928
    Join date : 2009-07-23
    Age : 34
    Location : In the Livery Inn, at the heart of the Westside Alliance

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    Post by Wayward Daughter Wed 2 Mar 2016 - 18:59

    An interesting start. A little short though - was it meant to be more of a snapshot/prologue sort of thing, or will every part be this length?

    Does Robin have enhanced hearing/enhanced senses/a side-effect free version of what Mohinder had artificially in volume 3? I'm just guessing from the number of references to hearing and noises in the chapter.
    The Little Lebowski
    The Little Lebowski


    Posts : 85
    Join date : 2013-04-01

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    Post by The Little Lebowski Sat 5 Mar 2016 - 17:46

    This is only the first part of the first chapter. The story revolves around a small group of characters and they're split up into sub-chapters like how the Song of Ice and Fire books have chapters focused on one characters. I just wanted to keep them grouped in episode style chapters. So this is chapter 1.1 and then chapter 1.2 is another character and so on and then chapter 2.1

    No, that was mostly just to show how many distractions are stopping her from doing her work and to try and show she lives in a rough neighbourhood without just listing off crimes and such. She is an evolved human but doesn't actually get her power until the end of the story. Instead, a drug gives her a temporary version of her ability (enhanced strength) without any of the immunity that comes with it. So while any other person with enhanced strength could punch through a wall with no consequences, she could punch through it but break her hand. I thought it'd be a fun and original way to explore the idea of powers.

    It is just a first draft I'm doing and reading it back I know it's really rough so feedback would be great.

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