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Dream Part 1
covered in my dreams i see her face... this time im not sad but happy... to see her... she smiles, forgiving me... and there she lay, us kissing
we stood together, i knew this wasnt real, but it didnt matter, it was what i felt, it was better than i have ever fet, my imagination became my new rality, and i knew who i was, what i was here for... her face, was there, her beautiful delicate skin, pushed against the pillow, followed by heer curly wavy blonde hair, and her blue eys, shined out, and glazed at me.
her face, matched her eyes and lips, i couldnt resist to kiss her, i knew that this will a dream, but took full advantage of it whilst i could, it wouldnt be there again, and i enjoyed this life more... i hugged her, i love you tracy...
i kissed her again, as we lied in bed together, her face was perfecct... i flashed back, to when i murdered her, her face covered in blood, i blinked again and she was normal again... the memories of her death still haunts me, but i couldnt let that interupt me...
i was perfect in this world, other than the world which i lived in, this world gave me what i never had, love comfort and tracy... all that i needed was here, what else did i need? i knew there was something wrong with my body consciesly, but i didnt care, i rather had lived in my dreams, this was the place that i loved... i saw her, making bacon and eggs, i nice breakie in the morning, a usual day like nothing happened, this is what i missed the breaki and of course her, back to normal, but of course things wernt normal, i mean what is?
Dream Part 2
Next day of my dream, this had lasted long, i could feel the outside, but wanted and needed to ignore it, my mind helped me, and so did she, was this all a dream, really? if so, someone pinch me now, no pinches came my way, unless i didnt imagine such a pinch. but as i came loser to understanding why and how i am in my position of this unfortune, i realised, this unfortune was not so unfortunate, and the fortune was on my side. God, or if there was such a thing, gave me a chance for forgivness, by putting me in this position, maybe i did imagine it, but did i control what tracy did all say in my head, if so, this was all unreal, but still made me happy. was she really lying there besides me in my head... my thinking wondered but still i was in the dream, i couldnt interefere with it, at least i didnt want to anyway.
i started to lead my dreiams to whereever they took me, our marruage day was reinacted, i stood there, in my tux, smart, with a single rose at my side, she gather her dress walking slowly and passitnatley down the isle... he dress was beautiful, the white silk, overflowed with a patterned corset, with red lining, and incrusted diamond, that sparkled with her eyes, the dress was beautiful a peace of art, but the art was only officaially art until she put it on, the living standing statue of beauty was before me, and as we acted out the ceremony, full of friends and family, sobbing, with cheers of my firneds at the back, i looked into those eyes, those puppy dog eyes, those eyes that can never be forgotten, i starred, not looking back at anyone, and the words came out, slowly i whispered them, i do...
we kissed, this was't just any kiss, it was like being a kid, being shy, my cheeks went rosie and red, and shined out from my face, her face, was lovley, her skin soft and her eyes embrassing our love, as we gathered closer together, our noses touched, i loved this feeling, and i could feel her warmth from her body and soul... as i reched past her nose, i whispered silently, i love you Mrs Calwin... she didnt reply, but her lips did the talking, the kiss wasnt fast, we wanted it to mean something, our lips touched moving slowly, her eyes were closed, i was thankful, so that she couldnt see me blushing, acting like a teenager, but still i couldnt help it, she mad eme feel like this, and i loved it. i heard her breathe out of her nose, and her chest moving slowly, in my eyes everything was in slow motion, it felt better as it made the kiss feel longer... i loved it, but i loved her... we departed our lips, remebering that we had an audience, as we felt that we were just the one's there, we shut off everyone, for our love now, all that was needed was me and her...
my mind fast forwarded to another place, our old house, this time we acted as ourselves, it was never done before, i could just see my self, she wasn't there, but why wasnt she? my mind was full of questions, and all of them needed to be answered, maybe the only way i could be awake was if my questions were answered, i knew this process couldnt be rushed, but i didnt want it to be, as long as i could see her, except a photo then i could be free...
i needed to know if she knew about me, knew what i was, if she knew about me, why did she still continue with me... my mind kept skipping, to moment in our life, these moments were times in our past, i couldnt control this, it was were my questions will lead me answers...
January 1991- April 23rd
this was the day, we had a pizza, this time i wasnt reinacting i was watching, as if i was a ghost, or a spirit of some kind, we shared the pizza, cheese and tomato with sweetcorn. We both shared a slice, and was watching tv, we chatted...
honey, your cold, ill grab you a blanket
thanks, you always know what i want, it is one of the reasons i married you
i looked back upon this moment, and i smiled, seeing her back in those happy days
as i had came back downstairs with the blanket, wrapped around her, i was speaking
i always know what you want, just like you know everything about me... or do you
this was the part where i laughed, it made me look asahmed, pethetic and silent. why did i even laugh, why oh why?
she sits, there, smiling with her glowing face, i remeber how cute she was, the times we walked down the park, and that face, the face of my lover, she kissed me, that kiss was like the others, i cant remeber that i forgot this day before, and then the answer for my first question was answered
she held her lips open, and spoke,the words, that i needed to hear...
jack your a man of many things, and i know you inside out!
this made me confussed, she knew who i was yet, she said nothing, but why? anotherquestion of mine, but i didnt skip to another lost memory unexpectatly.. i stayed there, away from the memory that just gave me an answer, i stood in a room, well a room i say, but i stood in nothingness, just white, everything the air was white... then the darkness came, gliding past me... slowly i sat down, scared of what this is, is this amemory, if so i dont lnow it, or is it a meaning?
i was scared, what did this suppose to show? the darkness covered the light, was the darkness me? but who was the light? tracy? this thought made me cry, my dreams was no longer in control bhy me, but leaded me and guided me to answeres... how does this suppose to answer my question? the battle of light and dark? with every battle there are consequences, i came to learn that, the consequence of me being the dark was the the light, meaning tracy would be affected... if she was affected and knew about this, why didnt she say so? my eyes teared up,
oh tracy just a sign, i need to know
the light vs the dark gave me no answer, just the final clue will answer this question... but whatis it? why didnt she say a thing... there was no wind, nothing, just light vs dark, but a gust fell my way, this was a shoc, i shivered as i was still sitting on this mixture of a black and white floor...
Your ring Jack...
my ring was the answer? how?
i take my ring off, im still unsure of what it suppose to mean... the words hit me in the face... i will forever love you Jack
i cry, sitting alone in this room, or place, knowing that she kept quiet for me, cus she loved me
love is all that matters in the end, i needed to know that, the whole reason we even got married was because she loved me, thats why i saw my wedding day... love is the ingredient in a working relationship, and she was the one that made it work, my secret was kept a secret because of her, and that is what i am thankful for...
i was now expecting to be awake, like other typical films after you have seeked an answer, but like other typical films, there is more you need to know.. i was at that stage i think, but what else did i need to know? was this all still in my head, is this a chance for redemption... is this god's work, or tracy giveing me forgivness...
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Why are you squealing? )