Forbidden - Complete

Changeling, it's in the same section as this one is.

Yeah, I've been good, mostly. You?

Glad u bin good. U in Uni or anyfin? I know u probly sed a wile bk but my memory has gone well rubbish. I blame old age. Thats my excuse + im stickin 2 it.

I bin busy lookin 4 work + a flat + spendin time wit connor. Gota look 4 new flat cos i got evicted from my other flat after the accident, so had 2 move bk 2 my ma's. :'(

Wil definately check out changeling during my 'holiday'. Lol.

(It not an actual holiday but i fed up of havin no time 2 myself, so i guna stop job huntin til after my bday.) Lol. XXXX

Lol. Yeah, I'm in uni, but I'm back home for the Easter hols now. So lots of being bored and wasting time when I should be revivisin

Lol. U enjoying Uni?

Jus read Chaneling finkin i recognised it + then realised i had alredy read the first few chapters. Lol. I hav read the last 2 tho so now i'm all up2 date.

How was ur wkend in Ireland? XXX

U got no plans for ur holiday then? U can come down here for my birthday if u wan. XX I always hav my bday a few wks early so let me no + wil hav it wile ur down. Lol. XX

Yeah, it's good. Ireland was great apart from the fact that we lost the gameOh well Nope, not really. I think I might be staying a week with my sister, or maybe that's after the hols

Lol. U really aint 1 for planning r u? How many sisters / brothers u got?

One sister. And yeah, I'm not that organised

Thout all women were ment 2 b gud at organising thingz tho? Lol

I'm good at organising last minute

So u do the bloke fing then + end up bein a few mins late? Lol. XX

Yeah. But then I walk so fast I usually end up making that time

Sounds like u do wot i do. I feel sory 4 Connor cos he pretty much has 2 run to keep up wit me. His lil legs r usually killin him after a few mins. Lol.

R u tall then? Or u jus kinda jog / walk? XX Cos even wen i walk normally i can do a half hr walk (to evry1else) in ten mins. Lol. XX

Yeah, I'm between 5'11 and 6' so really tall. And I can't walk in front of people or I'll end up leaving them behind without realising.

I'm going now. Night xx

K, im just under 6'3. So i no wot u meen. Lol

Im guna shoot off 2 cos gota sign on in the morn. (sarcastic) Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

Nite + sweetdreams chicken. XXXX

The streets of Westside had never felt so cold. It may have been the first time while walking them that Rún acknowledged how the wind hurtled miserably through the crowded buildings until it could whip against her thin form in its meagre wrappings, the first time she felt the sting of the almost perpetual rain. It was almost a relief. She didn't think she could bear it if she were still numb to that, if she didn't feel like her surroundings reflected at least a fraction of the chilling pain inside her.

Walking on, she wrapped her arms around her in a vain attempt to keep the chill out. It would never work. Half the chill came from within her. Those she passed spared her some glances, but they soon looked away, used to seeing pain and misery. It was too common for them to inquire about the tears silently tracing down her cheeks.

She hadn't intended to go there. If she'd realised, she'd have turned away, knowing that the pain would be too much for her numb state. But she hadn't been paying attention, too lost in her thoughts and regrets of the past, and therefore her feet led her on the paths of old memories. She did not recognise where she had wandered too until her hand had risen to knock upon the door. Then she winced. And then she fled.

"Why did I go there?" she whispered to herself, her voice shaking. She didn't have an answer.

She continued to walk, wandering lost and miserable, her regrets growing with each step. So much she wished now she'd done different......so many impossible options. The past was flickering before her eyes, taunting her with the brief happiness she'd experienced. So many........those sparse hours in the Livery Inn, stolen moments on the streets of Westside, nights hidden in his home....... days in the Alliance and days of just them. She began to realise that the old cliché was indeed true, and that it was now she knew what she'd had. But bitterly, she began to realise that even had she left her people for him, for this, nothing would have changed. He would still have died. There was no other way this could end.

Once she'd thought that, she began to wonder: how would it end? What would she do, now? Was there anywhere she could turn to? She knew, she could not return. Not when her sins had come to fruition, leading her to the most forbidden one of all. To her people, her family, she was dead.

"Is there anywhere I can go?" she whispered to herself again. Her usual place of comfort was gone. The only place she'd ever felt at home, wherever her family said she should belong. And now she didn't know. She didn't think there was anywhere left, anywhere not tainted by the grief.

She continued to wander, on and on, with nowhere to go, until at last she was too fatigued to continue. When this happened, she just sat where she was, curled up in a foetal position. She barely moved. To any witnesses, she must have looked like despair personified, curled up in damp rags, broken and defeated without a shred of real hope.

Hours passed. Eventually, her strength returned, but it didn't bring any hope with it. There was none to be found. Neither did it bring any concrete answer to her earlier question. But she still rose to her feet and walked on, feeling drawn forwards. Why, she didn't know. Somehow, the place called to her, a morbid summoning. And so she walked to it, until she'd reached the gaol, her feet stumbling to a halt before its dark and rearing walls. Of its own accord, her hand rose out to touch the cold, grey stone. The place echoed of death. Maybe that was why she'd felt drawn here. Sean had died here. If she were found, she too would die here. Joint atonement for her sins.

"I'm sorry, Sean," she whispered. She was not only apologising for using him, or for not realising her true emotions until it was too late. It was irrational, true, but she couldn't shake the feeling that he'd died because of her.

Of course, there was no reply. She hadn't really expected one. But the silence weighed down on her, crushing what remaining spirit she owned, causing yet more tears to spill. Somehow, she felt the silence reproached her. Pinning her down with her guilt. An urge was growing in her to simply walk into the building, confess, and wait for them to kill her. She didn't know whether or not she wanted to fight it.

Mega cry!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that could be the saddest/darkest chapter Not sure though

Awwwwwwwww that was sad. :'(

Very gud tho Lowri.

XXX

Thanks Bil

Awesome! I feel the story drawing to a close, but I may be wrong!

Thanks. Yeah, I think it'll have 2 or 3 more chapters

Should she? She didn't know. After all, what did she have left, to fight for? Was there anything? Thinking to herself, she shook her head. She'd only ever had one thing, one reason to keep on going. Him. And now she didn't have that any longer.

"I'm sorry, Sean," she whispered yet again. No doubt, he'd have protested against this. But he wasn't here anymore, unable to protest, unable to stop her. She took one step.

"Don't."

She froze at that one word. At that voice. Disbelieving, she span around, but a part of her was still looking around hopefully, half-expecting to see him approaching her.

"Where are you?" she called out, her voice shaking. Of course, she knew he couldn't really be there. That it had to be herself, her mind playing tricks on her. But she couldn't bear to accept that.

There was no answer.

"Sean?" she called out again, fresh tears falling. "Are you really there? What do you want?"

Is it for me to join you, she wondered.

Again, silence.

She shook her head, telling herself to stop deluding herself, to stop clinging to false hope and illusions. She turned her back, once more facing the gaol's entrance. Inhaling a deep breath, she took another step.

And stopped.

"Don't."

"You're not here, aren't you?" she admitted at last. "This is just me, deluding myself.....going crazy......"

Bitterly, she wondered if that were a bad thing. Maybe insanity would help. Maybe it'd numb her.

"Where do I go to?" she asked aloud. The only response was the howling of the wind. She sighed, starting to move her feet away again. She did not go nearer to the gaol, and no warning voice came. Only silence. She walked on, miserably, once more wrapping her arms around her in a vain defensive gesture. Yet again the wind and rain lashed against her thin form.

"Sean?" she called out. "Please....I need you....."

But she already knew she'd find no answer. He wasn't there, and she was completely alone in the world. She winced, the realisation like frozen daggers cutting through her. Painful. Agonising. Crippling. And she was completely helpless.

"Please....just answer me.....please....anything...."

Silence. Bitterly, she gave up, drawing her coat more tightly around her, and trying to pretend that yet more tears weren't spilling. She walked on, with nowhere to go. Nowhere at all. There wasn't any place that didn't echo with memories of Sean, didn't remind her of him, of what they'd once had and now she'd lost forever. Westside had been their home, their life. And now the place seemed haunted.

"Don't."

I hope that bit worked out....